


Pictures Worth 10,000 Words

by mxitoki



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hopeful Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 12:27:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30004893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxitoki/pseuds/mxitoki
Summary: In which Levi Ackerman is gifted a camera by his lover, Erwin Smith.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	Pictures Worth 10,000 Words

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi! just a fair warning that this will be carrying some heavy stuff as the story progresses, so if you’re unable to handle heavy topics, please skip this story. i hope you enjoy!

“A.. camera?” The man questioned, his raven colored bangs hovered over his furrowed brow line.

“Is there a problem? Photography isn’t a terrible hobby, you know,” said the blond sitting across from him. He had a faint smile sprout from his features.

“I’m not interested in taking pictures, Erwin,” Levi said, setting the camera to his side as he tossed away the wrapping paper that kept it hidden some minutes ago.

The blond sighed. He figured the man in front of him would be put off by his gift. Levi wasn’t one to pick up new hobbies, let alone photography of all things. 

“A camera could be useful.”

“Oh really? How so, hm?”

“You.. could hold precious memories of our everyday life! That’s good, right?”

“Yeah, right.”

Levi got up from the beige sofa, bringing the camera up with him. He moved to the kitchen, leaving the camera up on the island.

“Still, I appreciate the fact you got me something in the first place,” Levi took a pearl white teacup from the kitchen cabinet, “Even if it is a two week late anniversary present.” 

Erwin gulped. He could tell his lover wasn’t fond of his two week late anniversary present.

“Well,” he started, “Good to hear it's somewhat appreciated.” 

Erwin found himself leaning against the island, watching as Levi made himself his favorite brew of tea. There was a moment of silence, and not the good kind either.

“You’re lucky you got that pretty face of yours,” Levi blurted out, now turned around to face the blond, “Otherwise I would have kissed you and your camera goodbye.”

“Wh- what?”

click, vrrrrt.

Erwin blinked while Levi let out a small chuckle.

“Nice expression you got here, blondie,” Levi teased, showing the camera screen to his lover. He glanced at the photo once more, “Maybe you are right. Photography ain’t that bad.”

“Wait a minute, you were just—“

“Joking? Yes, yes I was.”

“Levi..” Erwin muttered, his cheeks showing off the embarrassment he was feeling at the moment. 

Levi came to Erwin’s side, pressing a quick and small kiss to his cheek, “Happy belated anniversary, honey.”

—————————

“You got him.. A camera?” 

“For crying out loud— YES, I got him a damned camera.”

Hange, a longtime friend of both Erwin and Levi, exploded out in laughter as they sunk into the chair.

Levi sighed and sipped from his cup of tea while Erwin buried his face into his hands out of pure embarrassment. It’s been three weeks and he was already convinced no one was going to let him live this down. 

“Would you cut it out? We’re in public and your laughing sounds like a dying animal,” Levi said, setting his teacup down in front of him.

Erwin had collected himself a little bit ago, simply watching as Hange laughed at his poor taste in gift giving. 

Hange wiped the nonexistent tears from their eyes and sat themselves up, slowly bringing themselves down from their moment of bliss. 

They let out a small snicker, “Okay, okay— I’m done laughing. Erwin tried his best, end of story.”

Levi and Erwin stared at Hange. They both knew Hange wasn’t done. The curled lips and puffed up cheeks were a dead giveaway.

Another snicker escaped Hange’s lips and a hushed “Nope” followed right after.

“Go ahead. Take your time,” Levi said, and Erwin silently agreed.

“Inhale… Exhale… Inhale and… Exhale,” Hange paused, shaking their hands around a bit before resting them on the table. “Alright, I’m good now.”

“Glad you’re back, Hange,” Erwin muttered.

“Might as well send you to the circus now. I heard they’re looking for new clowns to hire,” Levi spat, and Hange sent a small glare.

Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose, already knowing that it was going to be a battle of insults from this point on.

—————————

Two hours passed, yes, two full hours of nothing but cheesy and all in all terrible insults. Poor Erwin, right? 

The trio had parted ways, though it was more like Erwin broke things up and dragged Levi away for the sake of his own sanity. 

Levi had his arms crossed over his chest, clearly displeased with how things were left off back at the cafe. 

It was just then Erwin got an idea. He hoped said idea was enough to “whoosh” away the tension that hung in the air. He smiled to himself and took a “wrong” turn off their original route back home.

Levi let out an audible “huh” and looked to Erwin, “What are you doing? Home is the first right, not—“ 

“I’m aware, Levi.” 

“Then why did you—“

“You’ll see once we get there. You brought your camera with you, right?” 

Levi scoffed, “Only because you make me take that thing everywhere.” 

“Well, that’s good enough of an answer for me.” 

A good ten minutes passed, and the two found themselves at—

“You brought us to the beach?” Levi questioned.

“Yes, I brought us to the beach,” Erwin replied, flashing a small smile towards Levi.

Erwin parked in the makeshift parking lot, and the two hopped out. Erwin went around the car, meeting Levi on the passengers side. He slung the camera strap over Levi’s head and let it rest on his shoulders.

Levi frowned, and Erwin tugged at Levi’s hand as a means to get him to follow. Levi did so.

They took their shoes off and set them far enough to where they won’t get wet by the ever changing tide. Erwin was the first to go into the water while Levi stayed by their shoes.

“Come on, Levi! The water isn’t going to bite you.” 

Levi clicked his tongue, “I’m aware of that, smartass. I don’t want my pants getting wet is all.” 

“They’re just pants. Pants dry out eventually,” Erwin said, motioning Levi over to the water. “Come on. Just for a little while.”

Levi shook his head, and Erwin sighed in defeat.

“Suit yourself then, Mister.”

Levi scoffed and watched as the blond kicked his feet around in the water as if he were a small child. Though it may not seem like it, Levi enjoyed little moments like these, moments where it was just him and Erwin in their own little world that seemingly no one could ruin.

“Ah—“ 

Levi looked down to the camera that hung from his neck, resting peacefully on his chest. It wouldn’t be his first time at handling the thing, but he always got flustered when it came to picture taking. 

He clicked his tongue, taking the camera into his hands. He held the camera up, and aimed the lense at Erwin.

His cheeks grew warm as he watched his lover play around in the water through the screen, an unknowing smile spreading across his lips. 

click, vrrrrt, click, click.

He snapped away, taking more photos than he actually realized. It was only then he stopped as Erwin had turned around to face him. 

Levi paused, poking his head out from behind the camera. Erwin stood there, a gentle and more than loving smile on his face. His hand was outstretched towards Levi, waiting for him to take his hand and join him. 

Levi removed the camera from his person, setting it down in the golden tinted sand before making his way to his lover. He took Erwin’s hand, and there was a brief moment of silence between the two of them as they took in, savored, and all in all got lost in each other’s presence.

The moment would’ve continued, but Erwin had a little something else planned. 

It was then that Erwin had let himself fall back and crash into the water. Levi, being that he’s significantly smaller than Erwin, fell in and crashed against the water as well. 

It was cold, extremely cold. 

The two of them resurfaced, Erwin looking perfectly fine while Levi looked like a wet dog. Erwin laughed out loud, clutching stomach and pushing back Levi’s hair from his face. 

“Well, that certainly wasn’t what I was expecting,” Erwin let out between his fit of laughter.

Levi frowned, shooting seemingly infinite glares towards Erwin. 

“Asshole,” Levi muttered, letting Erwin fix his hair as he caught his breath.

“Ah, you love me and you know it.” 

“Whatever, big oaf.” 

Erwin let out one more chuckle before he gave his lover a quick peck on the lips while Levi continued to frown. Now, he was starting to feel a little bad for him. 

He opened his mouth to apologize, but instead was suddenly tackled into the water by the smaller man. There was no way Levi wasn’t going to let Erwin get away without squeezing in a healthy dose of pay back.

The couple spent their time at the beach until the sun had set and the shoreline grew empty of its visitors. 

Levi never liked getting his clothes wet, but in cases like these, getting his clothes wet didn’t seem all that bad.

————————

It was that night of the month, date night. 

It was a night that really only Erwin looked forward to. Of course Levi liked the idea of spending the night with his lover, but he hated the fact he had to dress all fancy and look snazzy for a bunch of stuck-up rich people.

Erwin liked fancy, liked treating Levi to a proper and most definitely overly expensive dinner. Erwin liked to spoil to make things simple. 

“I have told you that you don’t have to go all out on our dates, right?” Levi questioned.

Erwin nodded, “You have. Why?” 

“I’m telling you you don’t gotta pull all this fancy crap.” 

“What if— Get this —I want to?” 

Levi rolled his eyes. It was pointless trying to convince this man about anything. 

“Now, shall we?” 

“God, shut up.” 

A sum of minutes passed and the two were on their way to some new and expensive restaurant Erwin had found on, you guessed it, the Internet. Levi was convinced he had to keep the phone away from the man to prevent the fancy dinner dates. 

“Did you bring your camera?” Erwin asked.

“As always,” Levi replied, and Erwin smiled. Levi scoffed, resting his head in his hand, “I swear, you care more about that thing than I do.”

“Well, why wouldn’t I?” Erwin looked over to Levi, “It has many precious moments of ours, right?” 

Levi’s expression softened, a faint smile tugging at his lips. He opened his mouth, going to reply with something smartass-like. 

However, before he could, he noticed the glow of lights from Erwin’s window. They weren’t just any lights either, they were headlights. 

It felt like an eternity: the shouting, the startled expressions, the screeching of tires, shattering of windows, mangling of metal, collision between two or maybe even three vehicles, and the cries of whoever happened to witness everything 

However, in reality that eternity had only been a dozen of seconds. Levi’s consciousness was a constant in and out cycle. His face felt like it was on fire, his body was aching like hell, and his vision was blurred. 

He could barely make out the shattered glass his head was resting on or the mangled up remnants of his and Erwin’s car. His hearing was muffled, but he could tell there were people surrounding them slowly. 

“Erwin—“ He breathed, lifting his head from the ground. His entire body felt 10 times heavier, and his limbs down to his fingertips felt numb and tingly. 

It was then he noticed the slumped over body of Erwin who was still in the driver's seat. The top half of him hung out the front view window while the bottom was tucked away in the crumbled up car. 

Levi inched his way to Erwin, ignoring the rapid fire of pain that was shooting through every possible nerve he had— or had left in his body. He didn't know at this point.

“Erwin—“ He choked out once more, gripping onto the bit of window that was left to at least try and hold himself up.

Before he could, he felt a pair of hands tug him back to which he jostled around in their grip. He felt his breathing quicken, and his lungs burn like hell as his desperation to be by his side— Erwin’s side —grew more and more by the second.

He didn’t know if Erwin was fine or if he was feeling just as worse. He didn’t know if the man he was desperately in love with was even breathing. That terrified him, more than anything he could possibly think of. 

And it was then that everything had faded away once again. 

————————

It was bright, way too damn bright. It made Levi’s head ache more than already was. He looked around, slowly taking in his surroundings until he noticed Hange was by his side. 

Their head was resting on the little space left on the bed— the hospital bed. Levi slowly sat up, letting one of his hands reach up and touch his face. He felt nothing but bandages.

He looked to Hange once more, reaching over and nudging their head slightly. Surprisingly, it was enough to wake them up.

“What- huh-“ Hange let out, looking frantically around the room.

“I’m right here, dumb ass,” Levi let out, his throat rough and scratchy feeling. God, he hated it. 

Hange looked to Levi, eyes widened and watery.

Levi cringed, “Christ, don’t get fucking sappy on me.” 

“You’re.. you’re awake—“

“Obviously.”

Hange let out a half screech, half squeal before lunging towards Levi. Levi sat there as the other embraced him tightly. It was uncomfortable, not because Hange was hugging him, but because his body was aching.

“You can stop now,” Levi muttered, gently pushing Hange off of him. He let out a sigh of relief. 

It was then Hange went silent, and sat there as they fiddled with the bed sheet. He could tell something was up, that something was wrong.

“What is it, Hange?” He questioned.

Hange gulped, looking back at Levi. They hesitated, lips parting with no words seeming to leave them. 

“Hange, what is it?” 

“E—Erwin…” 

“What about Erwin?” 

It was then the next words Hange said made Levi take a sharp breath and freeze. Chills went down his spine, and his eyes seemed to water on their own. 

He was dead— Erwin —was dead. 

Levi let out a halfhearted laugh, “Cut the shit, Hange. Your humor is shit already, don’t make it worse.” 

Hange didn’t reply with anything, but instead gave Levi a heartbroken expression. 

“Well? Come on. What’s actually wrong?” 

“Levi—“

“I said… actually.” 

“I told you what’s actually wrong, Levi,” Hange said, sounding more defeated than ever. “I’m sorry.” 

“No— you’re just… bullshitting me, like you always do, right? That— that stupid oaf is gonna walk through that damn door and say one of his stupid fucking lines to try and make things feel better, so don’t fucking lie to me, Hange.” 

He was definitely, most fucking definitely gone.

———————

Some time had passed, and Levi was discharged from the hospital. Hange volunteered to take care of Levi in the meantime, but they knew there was no way he was going to let it happen, not right now at least. 

Hange helped Levi reach his and— his home and helped him up to the bedroom. They were careful as to clear the clothes that were left on the bed, some of them being Levi’s and some of them being Erwin’s.

Levi plopped onto the bed, Hange helping boost his legs up as he did so. 

“Do you need anything?” Hange asked.

Levi didn’t answer, and simply stared out the only window in the room. 

“Well, you have my number. Call me whenever, okay?” 

And with that, Hange left. 

Levi sat there, taking in the new silence he was going to have to get used to, the silence didn’t want to get used to and the silence he didn’t want to even begin to acknowledge.

“All of this is just a bad dream. It’ll be over soon.” Is what he tried to convince his brain into thinking. He was failing, miserably. 

He’s aware of his situation, he’s aware of the fact that Erwin is gone and never coming back, he’s just choosing to ignore it, to ignore the overwhelming amount of pain he’s feeling— or at least is going to eventually feel. 

He looks down at the object he had been unknowingly clutching onto this entire time. It was the camera Erwin had given him. It was less of a camera and more of a jumbled up mess of plastic and tech-shit. 

The more he sat in that thick, unbearable silence, the more his throat burned and the more his eyes welled up with unwanted tears of sorrow, loneliness, and anger. 

Fuck.

So this is what it felt like, this is what it felt like to suffocate in the rapidly approaching wave of inescapable grief. 

The thought of “If only” had raced around in his mind. If only Erwin hadn’t been obsessed with fancy dinner dates, if only Erwin hadn’t spared Levi that final and loving gaze, if only Levi had warned him sooner, If only, if only, if only. 

If only. 

———————

Days passed, weeks passed and eventual months passed. 

Levi had completely closed himself off from anyone and everyone, even Hange. He didn’t feel like confiding in anyone because he knew no one would understand how he felt, or at least that’s what he thought. 

His wounds had healed up by now. His leg was fine for the most part, just quick pains every now and then. The only serious remnant of what happened, was the scar that now ran down half his face.

He hated that scar, and he hated having to look at himself in the mirror because of it. In the end, however, it was part of him now. 

He never really left the house unless he was in need of groceries. He no longer worked and was now simply living off of insurance money which was already beginning to disappear. He spent the majority of the time in his room staring at the damned belated anniversary present.

It was unusable now. It was practically just a pile of plastic at this point, nothing new and nothing special about it. Hell, the thing probably doesn’t have the damn memory card anymore.

That’s right— the memory card.

Levi lunged forward and grabbed ahold of the camera. He frantically fumbled around with it, searching for the department where the memory card was kept. If the memory card was there— If Erwin was still there. 

Levi’s fingers flipped open the department and he peered into it, desperately. There was no memory card.

He felt his throat go dry and his eyes begin to burn and sting. The last hope, the last possible piece of Erwin he has left was never there to begin with.

There was no memory card, there was no Erwin. Nothing but a pile of broken plastic, disappointment, and bubbling anger. He uttered a swear beneath his breath and chucked the pile of junk across the room. 

His throat burned, his eyes watered and his head ached. He could feel a sudden rush of practically everything he had been feeling, and had been wanting to feel come over him all at once.

It was like a bullet train suddenly rammed into tons upon tons of concrete blocks. Sudden and overall devastating. 

He hated it, hated everything and everyone. He wanted something to blame, someone to blame, anything to blame at this point. He wanted a reason— a good fucking reason as to why he had to go through all of this bullshit, had to lose the person he cared most about and relied on the most. 

He questioned everything: why this had to happen, why they happened, why he was even here anymore. He felt hopeless, he felt like he had no other purpose. He had nothing to live for, he didn’t have a reason to keep going. 

He lost his only reason to be on this planet, his one and only. 

It was only after tearing apart a majority of the room that Levi had calmed down, somewhat. He was slumped down on the ground in a ball of unfiltered emotion and devastation. His eyes were practically cantaloupes at this point in his breakdown.

He sat himself up, staring at the beat up camera that laid in front of him. 

“Pathetic,” He let out, “So fucking pathetic.” 

He felt stupid for throwing some stupid temper tantrum, or at least what he thought was one. He knew Erwin would hate to see him in this state, to see him degrade himself to practically nothing, but fuck, there was no way he couldn’t. 

Knowing him, Erwin would’ve already come in and swooped Levi into his arms. He would’ve said some cheesy lines about how he mattered and how much he loved and cared for him. Then, he would’ve had the two of them lay down, and would’ve let Levi cry to his heart's content. 

Fuck. 

Levi hated being babied. It was embarrassing for him as a grown man, but if he was being honest, he’s desperate to be babied by that man again, desperate for his fancy dinner dates and his belated anniversary gifts that he’s no longer going to get no matter how much he wants to. 

God, he just wants Erwin Smith.

Levi wiped away his tears and runny nose with his sleeve. He slowly brought himself up from the floor, using the bed as some type of support. He looked around, sighing at the mess he had made. It’s definitely going to be a pain in the ass to clean. 

He ignored that for now, and reached over to his phone. He stared at the screen, thumb hovering over the call button for a certain contact. 

Erwin would want this. He’d want this over with.

And so, his thumb tapped against the screen and the phone began to ring. 

———————

Hange had come over that night, and had also unfortunately witnessed the hot mess that was Levi’s room. Nonetheless, they were glad Levi had reached out. It was a phone call they had been waiting for months. 

Time passed and the two made sure to stay by each other’s side, for their sake and for the sake of Erwin’s memory. They promised each other, and Levi promised to seek some professional help, aka, therapy. He hates it, but Hange thinks it’s for the best for now. 

Not long after Levi had started his therapy sessions, Hange had moved in. Levi was against it at first, but warmed up to the new lifestyle slowly but surely. He even managed to pick up a new hobby, photography.

He’s going to be fine now. He’s realized that he isn’t alone, and that he won’t be alone for a long time. Levi may have lost the person he loved most in the world, but for the sake of that person, he’s going to keep living because he knows that person would want that for him.

He’s going to keep living and keep hoping that one day, whether it be tomorrow or 2000 years in the future, him and Erwin Smith meet once again.


End file.
